It's not about the music, but...

During our month of training back in August, they told us how our music & programs are secondary to being passionate about showing Christ's love to the people we encounter. I ate it up, because for me, playing guitar and singing in front of people was a nerve-wracking concept. When we began rehearsing daily as a team, and I (at the time) was the only guitarist, my heart would pound before each session. My fingers killed me as they tried to get used to pressing on metal strings for hours a day, and my voice wobbled as it tried to sing in the presence of so many new people.


It took a lot of concentration to remember each day that I didn't need to worry about how I sounded, because it is ultimately NOT ABOUT ME. Well, now, about 3 months later, my heart no longer pounds uncontrollably before programs and I have stopped worrying about whether or not I will be able to play the songs (thanks in part to hours and hours of practice, and in part to the addition of our teammate Joshua, who is a very good guitarist). My fingers have grown rock solid (i think i probably have about 1/2 an inch of dead skin in each of my left hand fingers), and singing in front of people is actually something I look forward to.


In fact, I currently love making music nearly every day with my 4 teammates. As a team, we are fairly unique in that we all love to sing and can easily harmonize - so that we have come to a place where the music flows fairly freely, and our message is (we don't think) hindered much by a poor sound quality.

Problem with this newfound confidence? The thing is, I still often forget that ITS NOT ABOUT ME nor is it, ultimately, about how we sound. We may sound great, but if its all about how we sound, then we are failing to show love (which is not self-seeking, proud, or boastful) to the people around us. my nervousness nor my confidence have proven to be useful in forgetting myself and focusing on the needs of those around me, and on worshipping the God I love and serve. The best defense mechanism against this error in focus that I have found is prayer, but I still don't use it nearly often enough.


I guess its going to be a long road to gaining humility, which does not mean that I need to be shy or timid about my gifts - rather, it means I need to forget about them as my focus turns outward to God and those around me. Before I sign off, I will tell you one thing I have NOT found much more confidence in, despite hours of practice: While I have now participated in at least 30-40 puppet shows, I have not gained any more skills as a puppeteer and I'm NOT being humble, just honest. (I play Daniel in Daniel & the Lion's Den, and funny, but he sounds exactly like me, as does the other puppet I play!) Luckily, my teammates were able to find another role for me in one of our puppet shows, so that I do not have to be behind a curtain quite as often. ;)